I’ve been a teacher for six years.
I started as a last minute fill-in in a middle school where no one checked on me. One. Single. Time. From December to May.
I then went from a long-term sub to a full time teacher at a middle school in Norwalk, California where I was checked on. Believe me, I was never left alone. But I grew and I learned how to not only be a teacher, but to be a good one. Surrounded by a family-like staff (everyone from admin aides, to secretaries, to next-door teachers) I had an awesome support system. There was laughter. There was genuine concern for one another. There was covering and helping each other out. There was collaboration…oh the collaboration!
But then we moved.
And now I’m here.
If you’re reading this, then you probably know me well enough to know what I mean by “and now I’m here.” I’ll sum it up with this: I always swore that if I ever started hating what I did, I’d quit. I’d quit before I became one of those bitch teachers from hell (you all know them, I know you do).
But…where do I go from here?
You may say, “Oh, try another school!” But…I’m done and I don’t think I can do it anywhere anymore; at least for a while. I realize this is going to sound melodramatic, but I feel like my teacher soul has been crushed and I don’t know if it will be ok again.
So if not teaching? Then, what? I’ve asked myself what I ask my students sometimes. “If you could do anything at all, what would it be?”
Well, the answer to that is quite simple. I’d either be a writer or some sort of consultant for education. But how does one get to BE an educational consultant? And even if they found a way to get started, how do you go train and consult while working as a full-time teacher?
And there’s that other obstacle. You know, the one where my personality type makes up the smallest percentage of the population, but the highest percentage in therapy. That, introverted-will isolate myself if I don’t watch it-inclined to negativity and self-doubt-thing that makes me wonder, would it be healthy for me to essentially work for myself? Alone? Don’t get me wrong, I love being alone more than most…but I’m not kidding about the isolation thing. I will do it.
Nothing. I got nothing right now.
But I have to do something.