Day 13: Falling Behind

Whew, it’s been a week (hence the lack of posts).  Less than seven days until state writing tests and then we begin the journey towards reading tests. It’ll be nice to have one finished, so, good or bad, it’s been completed.  The school I”m at this year was rated unacceptable last year, so of course, I get to feel the effects of that hot mess. Insane amounts of superfluous lesson plans for the district’s benefit are always nice. I don’t know, I guess I don’t worry about tests all that much. Am I teaching every day? Check. Am I teaching the standards? Check. Have my students made at least one year’s growth? Check. (except in the case of 3-4 and we’re dealing with serious mental and emotional health issues there)

 I would give anything to help those kids too, but when you have 4th graders verbalizing death/suicide threats, that’s out of my capabilities. I wish it wasn’t. If a nine year old wants to kill themselves, why can’t we get them the help they need? Why is it so difficult? I’m frustrated. Not because of testing and discipline, but because these kids are hurting; hurting more deeply than I have ever even had to contemplate, and I can’t fix it for them.

So please excuse the one picture and Debbie Downer post tonight, but when you work with people who are hurting on such a deep level and you see their pain, it wears you down. Every so often, it becomes too much of an emotional overload and out it comes. Usually it’s in the form of a hysterical crying fit, so be thankful you just got words!

Damn, I wish I didn’t feel so much.

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One thought on “Day 13: Falling Behind

  1. I understand how you feel…one of my 7 year old foster kids has been in the psych hospital for two and a half weeks because of suicidal ideations. Seven! I’m sure you make a difference in those young lives. You truly care, and my experience with troubled kids has taught me that even if they don’t show it, they can tell you care, and it matters to them.

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