Shades of Gray

Gray. Gray is definitely how I’ve been feeling lately.  Sort of blah and in between. 

For those of you that don’t know, Husband and I spent the last three years living in Southern California while we both went to graduate school. We struggled a lot at first: no money, heat waves with no air conditioning, kidney infections and a hospital visit, living across the country from the only home we’d ever known.

But then something happened: we made a new home, just the two of us. We explored our new area of the world, made friends, found jobs, and in many ways found ourselves. And no, California didn’t pay me to use their slogan in this post.

California was a wonderful part of our lives. We loved it. It was home. And then we left it to return to Texas for more school. We love Texas, and in many ways it will always be home too, but it’s different now.

Those of you that know me well know I love Alan Say’s book, “Grandfather’s Journey.” In it, the narrator’s grandfather leaves Japan as a young man to travel the world and eventually comes to make his home in San Francisco. But he misses the home of his childhood, so he returns to Japan as an old man. Of course, as soon as he is “home,” he longs to return to California one last time. He never does, but the narrator goes to see the land his grandfather loved so much many years later. The book closes with the boy understanding his grandfather for the first time when he says, “The moment I’m in one place, I am homesick for the other.”

Leaving your home for another place can be a wonderful experience, but one that you never quite get over. Living somewhere completely different from everything you’ve known makes you feel like a sort of “in between” person, never completely at home either place.

I am homesick and it feels “gray.”

A lot like my outfit today.

I may have broken one of my “style rules” today: cut-off denim shorts. Normally they give me the heebee jeebees, but I”m starting to think that done right, they aren’t so bad.


Sweater: Husband’s

Shorts: Cutoff American Eagle

Tights/Shoes: Target


P.S. Look at that sky in the pictures. It’s absolutely gorgeous and decidedly not gray. 


2 thoughts on “Shades of Gray

  1. Wow. I feel like you put my heart into words. We, too, as you know, left our home (Ft Worth) for another. Although living in East Texas has been a wonderful experience, our hearts have never quit longing to go back “home”. Especially after having Viv and the boys here this past weekend, I once again find myself contemplating a way we can make that dream happen. Bottom line is, I understand how you feel. It was nice to know someone else struggles with missing a very special place where lots of memories and growing up took place! I love you…Thanks for sharing.

  2. Wow. First off: The outfit is AWESOME! It seems to scream “hot mama” despite its grayness. Second, your writing about being “in between” is profound. Marrying in to a family of Coasities has given me a lot of stories about moving and seeing different parts of the country and the heartache of leaving new found friends behind. It makes me glad that I have only lived within a 2 hour radius of the place I was born, but it also makes me think that moving out of state is an adventure that I want. I think for now I will just experience the adventure vicariously.

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