Anyone remember the “awkward turtle” that in and of itself was the very essence of awkward? Where ever someone made a fool of themselves, tripped, or had a joke fall flat, there was a college student waiting in the peripheral one hand over the other, thumbs sticking out moving in circles. It was the “awkward turtle,” and I, for one, thought it was awful. Then again, who I am I to judge when I myself am so very awkward.

I am sorry to report how many times someone has asked me how I’m doing and I reply, “Thanks and you?”

I’m embarassed to tell you how many times I’ve sworn a waiter/salesperson hasn’t heard me only to loudly repeat what I’ve said and instantly tell that they did hear me…the first time.

It’s a little disenchanting how often I start to say something in a conversation and have people look at me and then talk about something else. Actually on this one, I’m going to go with them being more rude than me awkward.

Oy ve…the times I’ve held a neverending trivial conversation with a coworker.

Me: “How’s it going?”

Normal person: “Fine and you?”

Me: “Good, how are you doing?”

Normal person now looking at me in a concerned manner: “Um, fine….?”

Old school pictures? While I’m not sure everyone had caterpillars for eyebrows in middle school, I can safely place money on the fact that most people had awkward school photos.

Last year? My feet flying out from under me as I walked across the quad at school, landly swiftly on my butt, students laughing, assistant principals laughing, paramedics laughing that they were even called out, asking me about medications, me telling of the only one, them asking me why I was on it, me admitting the embarassing reason, being wheeled out on a stretcher, and the rumors circulating that I tripped over a dog, had broken my neck, and there was blood everywhere….awkward moment of the decade.

What takes the cake in terms of awkward, though, is something I saw in a movie. A character walks up to another and literally says, “How’s it going just fine.” In one breath. The other man says, “Those two things…they aren’t the same thing. You don’t say them together…”

At least I don’t do that.

And at least I don’t take a weekly cell phone/webcam headshot of myself. Awkward.

And thank heavens I’m not a “Person of Walmart.”  All kinds of awkward and all kinds of wrong.



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